winderlust | i tried to think of a wind pun for this title

...I appreciate your thinking so.

[He really does. Being so different is definitely a weight on his confidence, but Jusis saying all that helps. A lot.]

Still, it's not just about me. You're being forced into this too. At the very least, I want you to know you can rely on me. And that I promise I'll put you first from here on out. That is my duty, but it's also what I want to do. And... I wanted to be able to tell you that before I go reading a script about your royal radiance.

If you say anything about my radiance, royal or otherwise, I'll gag you.

[Gaius is sweet though, and he knows the words are meant. He just doesn't know how to respond. He doesn't really do relying on others aside from Rufus, though as he's grown up he's tried not to do that either.]

...I'll try to keep it in mind.

I'll be satisfied with that, then.

[Gaius can feel the lack of bite in Jusis' protest, and in response there's warm amusement from Gaius. This is all really hard, but he just can't stop feeling attached. Attracted too, to be honest, but he's definitely attributing that to the whole soulbond thing.

He really is glad, though. That Jusis thinks well of him. That Jusis is willing to talk to him at all. He can only try to be friendly in return, and hope it eventually manages to bridge the gap that that fight put between them.]

You are pretty radiant, though. All the girls back home were singing your praises.

[Jusis just gives him a flat look. Have you looked in a mirror, my dude? honestly he's wondering a little if he's being mocked but that doesn't seem like Gaius. But Gaius calling anyone else good looking just seems like, weird. A tree calling some grass tall. Probably well meant but absolutely ridiculous. Jusis doesn't even think he's bad looking himself, it's just like comparing a little star to the sun. One may be perfectly appealing but the other is blinding.]

Mm.

[So moving on he'll just, turn to go again.]

I promised to show you around.

[Newsflash Gaius has no fuckin idea how hot he is. And he really does think Jusis is attractive. But he's not going to push it with the teasing, so he just falls into step behind Jusis.]

So you did.

[Jusis is glad because Gaius calling him hot might kill him.

In any case he shows Gaius the training grounds, the place where nobles keep their hunting hawks, the barracks, and then the kitchens and the empty great hall, dining room and throne room before pointing out the guest wings and then finally leading Gaius to the royal wing, where his suite of rooms is directly across from Jusis's. The servants are just going to be moving Gaius in with Jusis tomorrow during the wedding anyway, but Jusis doesn't say that, nor does he explain he'll sleep on the sofas in his outer rooms for both their comfort, until they can move into separate rooms again without causing rumors (or actually until they start sharing a bed but he's not anticipating such an outcome).

The royal wing is relatively quiet, but like everywhere in the palace Jusis greets the servants by name and is greeted with genuine warmth in return.]

[The people here make Gaius feel awkwardly large, but the rooms make him feel tiny. It's a weird contradiction, and at first he can't understand why anyone would want such a huge house. Eventually it occurs to him, though, that the very point of it is to make visitors feel small. It's a display of power. And it's working.

He's mostly quiet as he's shown around. There are some curious observations but overall he spends it looking around in awe, usually at the setting but sometimes at Jusis. It's clear that Jusis is loved here. Maybe not by the nobility, but by the common man, and that's a much bigger compliment in Gaius' opinion.

He must admit, he's interested. This foreign nation is as full of new sights as he'd hoped. At the very least he feels a bit more optimistic again by the time he goes to his room. However, once he's in there trying to get ready, he's thrown off again by the number of servants involved.

Getting bathed and dressed should be simple, but it turns out that's not true for royalty. Gaius is gently poked and prodded, stripped and ushered into a fancy tub full of oils and whatnot where, flustered and confused, he finds himself at the mercy of some very fierce maids. He thought he was perfectly adequate at cleaning up, but it turns out the "awful farm smell" isn't acceptably removed until he's pretty sure he's lost a layer of skin. His hair gets an equally rough treatment, ruthlessly pulling tangles out and trying to tame the wild waves.

Eventually he's clean and dressed and made to smell like roses and spice. It's weird. These clothes are too stiff. He had to rescue his hair ties from being thrown in the bin and replaced by something less traditional. He ends up standing there, looking at himself in a mirror bigger than he's ever seen and feeling especially foreign. Is he going to have to fuss this much every day here?

He hopes not. But he understands he's got to make a good first impression when he's meeting, y'know, the king. It's strange to think of someone like a king as family, and it's stranger to think so of a king who spent the last two years trying to conquer Gaius' homeland. But that's what's happening, so he spends the rest of his time til dinner running over the things he was told to say in this situation.

He took notes. This is serious study time. He has to be absolutely sure that he says nothing that could ruin this new, fragile peace. It's worth it, for his people. It's also worth it for Jusis. So he'll do his best. He is looking pretty snazzy though when he comes knocking on Jusis' door.

He doesn't think he's supposed to go find this formal dinner on his own and he doesn't actually know what time it is, so...]

[Jusis was not expecting Gaius to look so... Dazzling. So when he opens his door and stares for a solid thirty seconds it's really not his fault. Gaius looks amazing. He always looks amazing but being cleaned up and shoved in something fashionable for the kingdom is a different, new kind of amazing and Jusis has to adjust. He's used to Gaius looking stunning in his normal clothes, not in these ones. He couldn't say what he likes better, though Gaius looking more comfortable in what he wears is ultimately preferable.

He clears his throat after too long and steps back, silently inviting Gaius in after that awkward pause.]

You look nice.

[Understatement of the year. But moving on quickly.]

What is it?

[That Gaius wants from him right now, so he can stop staring and focus on something else, help him he's so gay.]

[It's a real damn shame they have an empathic connection right now because that was too much gay not to notice. It'd be pretty obvious from the staring but it's hard to think "haha it's not about that" when you can psychically sense a guy's boner.

Needless to say Gaius is embarrassed and doesn't interrupt the staring just because he's so flustered. Now he feels really conscious that he's entering Jusis' room, and really conscious of the fact that basically two entire nations are expecting them to get it on in about 24 hours. He assumed (and still does) that they're not actually going to, but now that whole thing seems a bit more complicated. He has never been the kind of guy to get nervous about dick but here he is being nervous about dicks.]

Uhm. Right, I was wondering when we're supposed to go to dinner... and if there's anything I should keep in mind.

[At least Jusis is entirely on board with the not actually getting it on with a guy he barely knows, no matter how hot, and talking about dinner certainly kills his boner anyway so Gaius can go back to getting low-key anxiety from Jusis instead of dayum if that's any consolation. He's pretty embarrasseded himself as he shows Gaius to a couch and sits across from him.]

It shouldn't be long now. A servant will summon us when the king is ready.

As for thins to keep in mind... Try not to be too insulted by my father, I suppose. He's likely to all but ignore us, and that's really for the best. He might say a few things to you but he's probably going to spend dinner talking to Rufus and leave early.

[He's trying to sound like this is a neutral thing and his own father's predictable neglect into anything to do with his life isn't a sore spot. At least he's relatively numb to it now, but having to explain "hey, don't worry so much, dad doesn't give a shit about me and therefore you" is difficult.]

I think I'd rather be ignored, honestly...

[Ignoring is good? At least for Gaius. If he's not engaged he can't fuck up. He does wish it wasn't an issue for Jusis though. He can tell he's uncomfortable just from the way he talks about it. Has talked about it, since they met. Gaius doesn't have any idea about the depths of the problem, but he's starting to get an idea, and he's not real happy about it. Still, it'll be easier for him to just keep his head down until he's got a better handle on the culture here, so he's not about to go walking up to the king and asking him why he doesn't value Jusis enough.]

Does it bother you?

[That's such a blunt question, no one has actually asked him that. He falters, not wanting to lie but not really wanting to talk about his daddy issues.]

It's nothing new. Like you said, it's probably for the best as well, this time.

Tonight should be relatively peaceful, it's tomorrow that's going to be difficult.

[Okay then it does? But again he decides not to push. He just leans back in his seat, thinking about... tomorrow. What a monumentally difficult day that's going to be.]

That's true... I was given training for it, but I don't feel all that confident.

Try not to worry. Say what they've taught you and if you mess up or feel unsure just smile, that should be good enough.

[Considering Gaius smiling could charm the clouds from the sky, Jusis doesn't think there should be any issues. The after party might be tricky but he's already got a mental list of nobles to shove Gaius towards who he should get along with, the more down to earth lords who care about their people and hunting or fishing more than court politics.]

I'll trust you to cover for me if it comes down to it.

[He can at least recite the right words, he thinks. He's rehearsed them over and over, anyway. It's the unscripted things he's most concerned about. That's tomorrow though. Tonight he just has to get through dinner.]

I will.

[It's the least he can do. And in perfect timing a servant comes knocking to inform them that dinner is about to be served. Time for Gaius to be led with Jusis down to the dining hall that is far too large for the four people about to eat in it.

When the king enters its easy to see where Rufus and Jusis get their hair and eyes, but the man is cold and distant, greeting Gaius formally and only making a remark about hoping he will remember to carry himself as is proper for a royal, before ignoring Gaius and Jusis to talk to Rufus. Rufus is more friendly, asking after Gaius's family, how his trip was, and if he has everything he needs, and wishing him luck tomorrow when dinner ends.

The meal is lavish, delicate dishes with new and interesting seasonings and sauces. But eventually it all ends and Gaius is left to retire with Jusis at his side, since they're going the same way.]

[It could be worse, but it's still awkward. On the one hand it's easy to be polite when no one is talking to you, but he's not used to that kind of atmosphere. At home everyone sits together on the floor, laughing and talking in a tent just big enough to house them. They could fit a handful of those tents just in this room, and yet there's only four people and a lot of silence.

To his credit he doesn't make any embarrassing failures with the food. He just keeps to himself, responding gently and with a smile when addressed. It's actually more awkward having Rufus be friendly though. It's just weird having someone ask after your family and well-being when you tried to kill them to protect that family less than a month ago.

The self-consciousness will fade with time, but for today he's just off-balance. It's better when he's alone with Jusis again.]

Your brother really is nice...

[This is the face of guilt. And yet he shouldn't feel guilty, because he was doing what was right at the time. It's just hard to hate Rufus.]

[Yes?? He is?? Don't try to stab him anymore! Jusis just let's out a sigh, heading back towards the royal wing.]

Yes. He's always considerate.

[He's genuine very fond of and loves his brother a lot, it doesn't take an emphatic bond to tell, but it's there too. Gaius feeling guilty doesn't make him feel better about Gaius trying to kill Rufus but that has to be something he gets over.]

We should both turn in early. You've had a long day and tomorrow will be longer.

[It's fine, murder is off the table for now. Gaius has more pressing things to worry about.]

You're right.

[His first instinct is not to chase those complicated emotions. He finds he's been doing a lot of not chasing Jusis' feelings today, but that's probably for the better. It's not fair to act like they're close just because of their bond. Still, they only have tonight to talk before the deed is done, and it feels wrong to go through with this when so much needs talking about.]

...Do you think you'll be unhappy?

[Jusis is trying his best. But talking to someone his own age like they're friends is still foreign to him, let alone someone he's got as weird and complicated a relationship to as Gaius.

Again it's a blunt question he doesn't know how to answer. He hasn't actually tried considering if he'll be happy. It's been three weeks but they've been a busy three weeks. When he has had time to think it's been too wonder how to ease Gaius into this life and whether he can get away with sending Gaius home six months out of the year forever for diplomatic relations or some other excuse.

Not because he wants to get rid of Gaius but because he automatically assumes Gaius is going to be miserable and homesick. He would be, if he were leaving such a warm family.

So the question stops him in his tracks briefly before he starts walking again.]

There was always the possibility I'd be married off for politics. And I'm not involved with anyone.

[He says slowly. So Gaius doesn't think he's breaking Jusis up from some relationship or preventing him from marrying for love or something.]

My duty to my kingdom doesn't change, I'll just be given new responsibility. And I don't think you're difficult to get along with. You're a kind and honorable person, there's no reason we shouldn't be able to coexist.

What about you? It's a bigger change for you.

[Not that it matters if Jusis or Gaius would hate this, they're still going to go through with it.]

It is a lot. But I wasn't involved, either, so I guess I'm not losing that much. It's not like I'll never see my family again...

[Just. Not very often, as far as he's been told.]

I do wish it wasn't necessary. But all in all it's the best possible outcome, so I'm going to try to make the most of it. You're a good partner to have, I think. And there are a lot of new things for me to see and tell everyone at home about. I'm sure I'll find plenty to like about it if I keep an open mind.

[He's not supposed to call it "home" anymore, but he has a feeling Jusis won't care in the slightest.]

[Jusis doesn't particularly expect Gaius to think of the country he's been used as a political pawn for as home, no.]

You're very optimistic.

[It's not a criticism. He's just a little impressed. He wishes he could see things that way, but he's a bit more negative. He's trying to be openminded, it's just hard to like his future being dictated by fate and politics. But politics was probably always going to play a part for him.]

It's very different from your home. [There he agrees.] When things settle down you can explore more. I can't imagine you won't be popular.

Edited 2018-05-30 02:09 (UTC)

You continue to think surprisingly well of me...

[And Gaius continues to be oblivious to his own perfection. It's actually kind of embarrassing.]

Thank you.

[It's not like he's forgiven Gaius for trying to kill his brother okay! He's just trying to make the best of it, and Gaius is hard to dislike.]

You don't make it difficult.

[It's almost irritating! How perfect Gaius is! Almost, but not really because he's too perfect to even be irritatingly perfect.]

Neither do you. Inherent problems aside, I'm glad you're the one I'll be swearing to.

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