winderlust | i tried to think of a wind pun for this title

...Challenge?

[What are you even talking about! He's just trying to be reasonable--]

It wasn't a challenge. It was advice.

A craven as well. Fitting. I've wasted enough breath on you.

[They're leaving!]

[Mrrrgh. He could fight them but it's not worth it so he's just. Gonna go home and find Jusis so he can apologize for being a jerk and not coming home.]

[He'll pass more guests leaving but no one else stops to harass him. Or even greet him. It might be a snub but on the other hand at least half of them haven't met him anyway, though he stands out enough it's hard to excuse not recognizing him.

Jusis is seated in his study with a glass of wine and an absent look as he spaces out and stares out the window. There isn't any emotion at all coming from him but he did basically have to shut everything down not to commit murder this evening, which is generally frowned upon at parties. Or any time.]

[One great benefit to his marriage thing is that by now Jusis is really used to Gaius being a stinky dirty man after a long day. So Gaius has no self-consciousness about walking in and immediately going to put his arms around Jusis' shoulders and shove his face into his hair.

He has to lean over for it but unless he's rejected he's just going for the physical validation.]

I'm sorry.

[That's the important thing here. He screwed up and he knows people make mistakes, but you have to apologize.]

[He's a bit surprised by the hug, making a noise that's mostly the nonverbal equivalent of "what?"]

You needn't apologize.

[He's very exhausted but also kind of confused.]

Yes I do. I can't be embarrassing you by forgetting things like that.

[He doesn't think Jusis would be mad at him, necessarily, for not being there, but... But he knows it looks bad and Jusis has enough to deal with without Gaius causing him extra trouble. And maybe he's a little self-conscious about all this "how other rich people see you matters" thing. He doesn't understand or like it but it's hard not to be self-critical when you're failing to fit into the role you're supposed to serve.]

You don't embarrass me.

[Jusis snaps, leaning back to look up at Gaius.]

What happened on your way back? I felt you get angry.

[He's glad Gaius is in his life, but considering he always had a plan to sneak Gaius back to his home... well even though Gaius is here right now he's never really been mentally geared to rely on a partner. From tackling running provincial affairs to tackling the dinner party he's been viewing it as tasks to face alone regardless.

And even if he weren't, he'd still be mad that Gaius could feel like he's an embarrassment.]

...Someone was rude. It wasn't a big deal.

[It really wasn't. It wasn't even that unusual, it was just... harsher than usual. So he's trying to minimize it, push it out of the way and not let it get to him. Jusis snapping at him gets to him a lot more, even though it feels understandable and isn't that bad. It's just Jusis being Jusis but they're both tired and on edge so Gaius is letting go of him and backing up.

It feels kind of dumb to think it but life was easier when he could just not share his bad feelings. He deals with them. He doesn't let them fuck him up. But he's not the kind of person who generally brings up his worries so it's weird to have them on display.]

...

[He's so tired but it's not fair to make Gaius do all the emotional work and this feels so messy and he hates it.]

I apologize. My tone was uncalled for. But you do not embarrass me, nor do I think you could.

But I do believe that anything that pisses you off can hardly be normal rudeness.

Mm, well...

[Well. He's just gonna flop in an arm chair and kick his boots off.]

I think it was some of our guests. They looked drunk. I don't really mind if they insult me, but it bothers me to hear them insult you.

[There is the faintest doki, and confusion.]

I'm more then capable of dealing with anything nasty said about me.

...But thank you. I also find jabs aimed at you utterly intolerable.

My people have been at war with your for two years, and we've isolated ourselves for centuries before that. It makes sense that they're not welcoming to me. Plenty of people back home weren't comfortable with you. But... I can't understand bullying someone because of the circumstances of their birth.

I can't understand bullying in general, but I just-- ...When it's you, I kind of want to pick a fight. But that'd just prove them right.

[That he's an ill-bred savage, that is. You shouldn't fight your guests.]

Not welcoming and the lowbrow spite some nobles employ are two different animals.

...

You are one of the noblest men I've ever met. If they choose to be blind and ignorant out of pettiness than yes, it makes me want to hit them with a sword. But you shouldn't let their taunts get to you. Certainly not any aimed at me.

I've heard it all and then again on repeat. By the third time some stuffy so and so has tried to insult you the same way it just gets sad. The truly galling part is if they put half as much energy and creativity into solving problems for the realm as they put into being catty we'd all be better off.

You're right about that. But I'll never be able to accept hearing it. I don't like knowing you're used to it.

I don't want it to be something you have to get used to.

I appreciate that. ...I just wish there was something I could do to change it.

[He shrugs. ]

I do as well. But I'm afraid this country is weighed by too much history and tradition to change simply.

Of course. Still, I can't help but want to try. The people here are human just like mine. I'm sure, even if it's slow, they can learn to change. I want to be a part of that, if I can. Otherwise what am I doing here?

[Aside from loving on Jusis, that is. His goal is to bring their countries closer. To break down boundaries, to learn and to teach. So if he can't make any impact... then it feels useless.]

I see.

[Who is he to talk Gaius down from something he believes in?]

What would you like to do?

I haven't--

[he hasn't figured that out yet. But he does have a thought.]

...I should put more effort into befriending the nobility. It's not the common man who'll control whether this country changes. Not the way it is now. To change things, we have to change the people at the top. Going from the bottom up would just start a revolution.

Indeed.

[He doesn't need to say revolution would be a bad time for him, personally. ]

But if you have your mind set on something I'll support you.

I don't have any concrete plans yet. I just want to try to be an example. But... If you know something better, tell me. I still... I really don't know how to do things at this level.

[And he's ashamed of it, which Jusis can feel. That's why he's been spending so little time at home. Out there in the fields he feels useful, but here in the castle he's a fish out of water.]

... That's normal. I've spent my life being groomed to govern and politic and I can't say I'm good at it yet. I'm still learning. If you wish to learn together with me...

[He's sincere. He's not naturally involved to the politics aspect but he's got a good grasp of governing. He still has a long way to go, and he certainly doesn't exist Gaius to have any idea what's going on to start with.]

I must be frustrating to be thrust into your position with no background even of the country you're in.

That's... not untrue. But I really wanted to try. So it's been wrong of me to avoid it.

[To avoid Jusis -- although it's not Jusis he hasn't wanted to deal with. But it's effectively ended up that way, when he leaves early and comes back late.]

i tried to think of a wind pun for this title

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